Monday, April 23, 2012

Secret

As promised, here's another poem for you.  It's titled "Secret".

You look at me with expectancy
Behind deep, penetrating eyes
But with those eyes you can’t see
Everything I’m fighting to hide
You can’t know what I’ve been through
Can’t possibly know how hard I’ve tried
To rectify those past relationships
My tears hidden behind a wall of pride
I know it’s not your fault, you see
What those others have done to me
But it’s because of them that I can’t give you
What you’re asking of me

I have a secret, buried deep within me
One I’ve kept inside for so long
“I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid,” I whisper
A cadence that ripples like a song
I would love to hold your hand when you reach out for mine
But intimacy, it frightens me, and that can only heal with time
Yours is a love truly blessed; I won’t deny that fact
But I can’t partake, my heart shudders like an earthquake
And what’s left of me is bottled up tight and compact

It’s not fair to you to lead you on
To allow you to believe I’m healed
When deep inside I just always want to cry
And putting you through that is not a fair deal
You say I should let you decide for yourself
That it’s your choice to stay or go
But I’m deciding for you, I implore you
The pain is too deep for you to really know

You’re great, really you are, and I appreciate your concern
But I’m still too scared, still too nervous
About allowing myself to love or yearn
There are so many things I can’t bear to tell you
So many hurts I harbor close
I wish it could be, but it just can’t, you see
So for your own sake, let’s please just let this go

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